I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
