i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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