Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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