GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
