Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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