you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
