i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
