on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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