and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
