I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I fill condoms, not promises.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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