Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
