so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
