How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize