Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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