My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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