Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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