I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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