Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize