It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
