she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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