Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
