I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
