Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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