All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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