all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
