The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
