I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
