Green mimosas i think yes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
