I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
