You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
