I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
