Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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