i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
love makes seman taste better
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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