Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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