Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
