did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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