Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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