I can tuck mytits in my pants
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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