Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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