cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
