Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
