he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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