Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
