She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
