he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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