you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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