you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
