My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
