Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
