wakey wakey hands off snakey
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize