Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize