My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
