I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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