I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
