matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
