thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
