Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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