the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
