I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
