babies were throwing up all over the place
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
