6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
