You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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