oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
