And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
