Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
