every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
