The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
