How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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