just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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