I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
