C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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