drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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