Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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