oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
