If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
