I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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