So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
